Zach Update # 7: it hit me…

(by Sarah)

Well, it finally hit me this morning.  Today was hard.  The tears flowed freely throughout the day as I saw my son’s eye, no longer there.  It’s not awful to look at – just pink, with a clear plastic lens over it.  But as the swelling dissipated and his eyes were open the reality began to hit.  I’ll be so glad when he gets his prosthetic eye!… I think the grieving will come in waves, perhaps when I least expect it…

I wrote him a letter this morning to give to him some day when he’s older.  It was good to do.

I’ve been reflecting on how we grieve so differently from the world when our trust is in Jesus.  In Christ grief and hope coexist in a heart going through pain.  The pain is so real in the moment and yet so is the total confidence that there is a purpose that God is working out.  I can live with those in tension.  I have to.  And I am pleased to.  Because in that relinquishment I get to be fully human – experiencing the emotion that God intends and also trust that God will be fully God in his perfect ordering of our lives.  God gets to be God and I get to be me.




Filed under Zach

12 responses to “Zach Update # 7: it hit me…

  1. Thanks for your honesty and your example, Tim. You guys remain in my prayers.

  2. kim

    Hi Pastor- Thinking and praying for you and Sara. I have faith in God’s perfect plan for Zach…. Plans to prosper him , to give him hope and a future:) I am praying not only for Zach’s complete healing, but more importantly, that he would grow to have a heart that loves the Lord completely.

  3. When one part of the body of Christ suffers, we all suffer and grieve. Thank you for acknowledging that we do grieve with you and thank you for your words of comfort to us as you grieve. We’re encouraged through your words of how to cope and begin a new normal.

  4. Georgia Marshall

    Dear Sarah,
    My Heart aches with yours as I read each days post! With Elisabeths’s eye issue, I felt incredible guilt, wondering what I could have done wrong that would have caused it. Praise God for HIs loving encouragement and tender mercy! He has given her so many blessings with her impairement! How Great is our God! I also did a journal for my own comfort! I will be praying for you, the girls and Tim as you begin this journey! Blessings Georgia


    My dear Tim and Sarah,
    I am now at the time of the year when I will be spending more and more of my time at our home on Torch Lake, which is where I am as I write to you. Brad and I are not at Cornerstone in the summer months.
    I am so grateful for electronic communications which will allow me to keep abreast of your journey with Zach.
    I also have the benefit of your visits to my son-in-law’s Great Expectations class to learn almost first hand how you are doing. You are a wonderful couple with great faith and strength. I admire the maturity I see in so many of your postings. Yet, you are still a young couple in the most demanding years of your lives with your family. I know God is near to you and will hold you up, as will the other members of our faith family at Cornerstone. It is the journey with the Lord which allows us to understand Him more fully. I know He is doing mighty things in you, through you and for you.
    I send my Christian love as a sister in the Lord. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.
    I found this Psalm to be a great comfort to me during my walk with the Lord. It became an anchor for me to assure me as I went through hard times. I pray it will help you also.
    Psalm 43 TEV Israel, the Lord who created you says,
    “Do not be afraid- I will save you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through the fire; you will not be burned; the hard trials that come to you will not hurt you. For I am the Lord your God, the holy God of Israel, who saves you.”
    Nancy Lawton

    • revtimbrown

      Thanks Nancy. We also got your “non-digital” message. 🙂 What a nice card with heartfelt comments. It was a blessing. Thanks too for your encouraging affirmation and scripture.

  6. Janice and Alexis Stokes and Bill McCann

    Dear Tim and Sarah:
    Grieving is good and healthy for all of us. Lord knows I’ve experienced it several times. I am so very sorry that you and Sarah and the girls have had to go through all of this. I pray to our Lord Jesus that he carries you through this grieving process.
    The letter you wrote Baby Zach was an awesome idea Tim. That truly reminds me of Alan and all his letter he wrote me, going through his last days here on earth fighting the cancer and preparing for his eternal home. I often get them out and read them still. Enjoy your Memorial Weekend and know that I continue praying for the Brown Family in my prayers.
    Love Jan Stokes and Alexis and Bill McCann

  7. Joan

    Lovely ponderings from a believing heart…

  8. Dan Orr

    Sarah & Tim,
    We’ve been following your blog closely and praying daily for Zach, you, Tim and the girls. We so appreciate your faith and confidence in the Lord. (Where else can we go?) I believe that God will use you and Tim in a great way in the future. You are armed with an experience that many do not have, and we think God will use you to minister to others that face those kinds of experiences.
    Dan & Judy

  9. Sarah-
    I hope eventhough this post is “old” I can reach you. I too have a son who was diagnosed with retinoblastoma just last November 2011. His eye was also removed only 5 days after diagnoses. And, just as your beautiful son, the tumor was contained and did not go back the optic nerve! Praise the Lord! I would LOVE to share our story with you.. and didn’t know if you had talked to anyone that’s child had it too. I will give you my email address if you can email me so I have yours, and I can write you. My sons name is Benjamin. Reading all your posts during the entire process was like reading MY life/experience… Unbelievable to meet someone who feels exactly all I do as a mother. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
    I have a blog too you could archive back and see if you wanted…

    • revtimbrown

      Hi Amanda,
      Thanks for leaving a message. Ben’s new eye looks great! We’re glad that our blogging was helpful to you. You’ve got a nice blog about your boys, too. Thanks for sharing.

      Yes, we did connect with another family whose child had RB. Their attend the same private school as our girls and had walked through it 10 years earlier. That was pretty helpful.